The Most Cliche HP Fic Ever
by harrypottersmom
Summary: this is so cliche don't read it. well actually do read it but it sucks :)


The best (and most cliche) fanfic ever

Harry potter was so smart and manipulative and stuff. He imperioed the dursleys (wandlessly and wordlessly of course!) to give him all of their money, and did the same to Mrs. Figg. He killed the durzlers and Mrs. Figg and all her Kneazles and took 12 of dudley's toys and made them horcruxes and gave them to a bunch of homeless kids around the world. He put tracking charms on them and was so powerful he just destroyed voldy's horcruxes by summoning them and transfiguring a hat into a basilik fang and killed them and the horcrux in him. He accio'd the dark lord and cast a wandless wordless killing spell on him. All of this dark and evil machinery happened when he was 5. At 6 he also killed all of the Dark Lord's servants and followers except for Snape. He freed Sirius from Azkaban.

He was so powerful, that at age 7 he found out he was a wizard and all of the books he needed to get by seeing the future. Harry made the muggle money into galleons because his dad had a dad and his dad had a dad and his dad had a dad and his dad had a dad and THAT dad owned Gringotts but it was a family secret. His name was Roger Potter. Also Lily's mom was Bellatrix and her dad was Tom. Tom was heir to Merlin.

So Roger's dad was also a Forest King and inherited the gift of nature obeying him and he had to take care of it and stuff. Roger's dad's brother was the Fire King, and the Fire King's other brother was the Water King, and the Water King's other brother was the Sky King. And all of the Kings had Queens of that stuff too and the King's mom and dad CONTROLLED THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE. Also Harry owned Gringotts and the entire universe and Earth too.

So you might be wondering why Roger owned Gringotts. Well Roger's grandparents controlled the universe and made goblins as a joke and gave them a bank and gave it to Roger as a toy to play with. So he owned it. Harry knew all this because even though they were dead Roger came to him in a dream and told him all this and told him to go to Gringotts to get More Cool Stuff and inherit all of that power and stuff. He gave him a jewel and said the goblins would know what it meant.

Harry went to Gringotts and showed the goblins his jewel and Gringott came back to life and started screaming for everyone to bow to Harry and for everyone else to leave. Harry told the goblins his dream and they pricked a bit of blood from his finger (which was obviously gold) (the blood not the finger) and put it on the Inheritance and Info Sheet and four of them died from shock.

It was soooo shocking.

"Look at this." Gringott hollered for all the goblins.

Name: Lord Harry James Potter-Gringotts-Black-Forest-Fire-Water-Universe-Riddle-Sky-Lestrange-Merlin

Parents: James Potter and Lily Potter nee Riddle

Blood Status: pureblood, duhh

Species: Human-centaur-unicorn-lion-tiger-snake

Powers: Seer, Animagus, Horcrux-maker, Forest controller, Goblin master, Fire controller, Water controller, Universe controller, Sky controller, Invisibility, Time-Travelling, 0.01% of magical core unlocked, Super Speed, Metamorphagus powers, Flight, wandless magic, wordless magic, SOOOOO MUCH MAGIC, natural master Legiemmens and Occulmens, Parseltongue, Parselhealer, Parselmage, Super Strength

Inheritance: Black estates and Black fortunes, Gringotts, All the forests, all the oceans and bodies of water, the entire Earth and all of the Universe, Riddle estates and Riddle fortunes, Lestrange estates and Lestrange fortunes, and Merlin's estates and Merlin's fortunes. Also Portkeys to all of the estates.

Hotel: Trivago.

Harry Potter evilly smirked and went to the biggest one of the estates with Sirius.

Harry was 11 years old today. Sirius gave him his books and a promise to be in Slytherin and he got on the train. He alllllmost entered a compartment that he THOUGHT was empty and saw a redhead talking to an old man. He invisibly entered and he knew that that was dumbledore and that was ron. Sirius told him about how they were trying to manipulate him. He listened.

"I'm so excited for all money you're going to give me Albus. AND I get hot Hermione too! All we have to do is administer the trust and loyalty potion and the love potion." Ron babbled.

Dumbledore nodded. "Yeah and when Harry comes to me for protection from the Dursleys I'll make him like Ginny with my lemon drops. Ginny will get money also. Does Molly know?"

"No."

"Good she's not supposed to."

Harry slipped out of the compartment as they laughed super evilly. He found a compartment with THE PRETTIEST GIRL EVER and her name was Hermione. She was crying.

"What's wrong Hermione," he said, sitting next to her.

"Dumbledore's going to make me like Ron Weasley! And Ron said I was ugly! They're going to use me!" Hermione said.

"Yeah, Ron's going to befriend me for money and spy on me, I get it." he said. She giggled a little.

"Who are you?"

"Do you want the entire thing or just the basic thing?"

She laughed a little more. "The basic thing."

"I'm Harry Potter."

Hermione gasped. She didn't think Harry Potter was soooo attractive. Most celebrities weren't. She blushed he did too  
"You're cute" he said

"People tell me that a lot" she said cheekily, opening up a book and pretending SHE DIDN'T HAVE A MASSIVE CRUSH ON HARRY POTTERAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"Playing hard to get hm" harry said, scooching closer

"Mmmaybe" Hermione said, suspiciously casually.

Harry grinned. This could take a while…..

Hermione now had a boyfriend.

When Hermione and Harry walked into Hogwarts all eyes were on them because hermione was super hot and harry was, well, the boy who lived, I suppose.

"Hey Hermione, pretty lady." George said

"You're cool" Fred said

"So would you" George said

"Go out with our little brother Ron?" Fred said, eager for money.

"Or maybe me?" George said, thinking it wouldn't be good to manipulate Hermione for money. Also George and Fred liked her. Fred was in slytherin and george was a ravenclaw but they loved each other.

"Guys she's my girlfriend" said Harry.

Fred took out his wand: "YOU HAVE ENOUGH MONEY! We need some..!"

"Sorry I didn't know." George said.

Harry gave George 200 galleons which was pocket change for Harry.

"Yeet" Harry said, dabbing as George stuttered.

"Harry can I tell you something" hermione said, ducking out of sight with him, charmed with his invisibility.

"Yee"

"I'm the Sorting Hat's daughter and heir..." said Hermione with a smile.

"Wow! Cool! I own the Universe!" Harry said, amazed with Hermione.  
"Cool!" Hermione said and kissed him.

It was time to be Sorted. Hermione was put in Ravenclaw and she was smiling about something she wouldn't tell Harry. Ron was put into Slytherin, much to the pleasure of Fred. Harry was put in Ravenclaw after a chat that lasted 10 minutes, making him a Hat-stall. Then George asked to be his friend and they were friends.

ONE WEEK LATER

The 3 friends were acing their classes and Ravenclaw was easily winning the house cup. They weren't even studying. George revealed that he was actually Snape and Molly's child and Molly was under a love potion by Arthur and now hated Snape and Snape was miserable because of that. Harry was very thankful he believed Snape when he said he had a son and hadn't killed him because of that claim. George was a little angry with Harry about that but Harry said sorry and they made up.

In the Ravenclaw dorm, Harry had made a spell similar to Imperio except it wasn't illegal, and it lasted until you said a specific code word. He kidnapped Mrs. Norris and used it on her. He told her go into her true form (the Sorting Hat had told him about it in an adventure in Dumbledore's office)

But then they found out she was actually the Sorting Hat's other daughter that was their age. Her name was Piper. Piper and Hermione were fighting over Harry. (he personally liked both of them)

"We can share!" yelled Piper.

Harry's blood started flowing really hard as Hermione stopped and turned towards him.

"You know, Piper, that might just work."

So now Harry had TWO girlfriends! AWESOME!

George pretended to cry really hard and they all laughed.

Piper was also put in Ravenclaw (although her dad thought about Gryffindor) so that they could plan how to return the hat to his former glory.

Right now the trio were sitting and reading some books while George discussed the hat with his dad.

"My dad's gonna help us!" George hollered, tumbling inside the Ravenclaw dorm. "And I might have released a Dungbomb and some other stuff in his office but it doesn't really matter!" he added very fast.

Piper snickered while Hermione looked at George in horror. "George you can't do that!"

"I just did." George said, and turned serious. "I also asked him to stop being a bully to the other kids. He has a really bad past with teens…"

"How?" Harry asked.

"Umm.. he said not to tell anyone."

Harry read George's mind and saw his dad bullying Snape!

"Hey!" George said but Harry's face had fell down to rock bottom. He was about to go to his bed and brood when two hands touched his shoulders.

"What's up?" Piper said sweetly.

"What'd you see in George's mind?" Hermione said knowingly, remembering how Harry had made brief eye contact with the boy.

"My dad… was bullying Snape." Harry muttered.

Hermione knew what Harry was thinking. "Harry, you don't bully anyone." she said, giving him a hug. Piper awkwardly pat his head- being a cat was bad on your feelings and empathy; and being pet as a cat usually felt nice, so why not humans. Harry caught Piper's eye and grinned.

George felt awful.

They had to get the Sorting Hat, or, as he wanted them to call him, Theo.

George pounded on the Headmaster's door, panting and eyes glinting with mock fear. Albus opened it up, not happy about George being there.

But he pretended to look worried as George told him how Piper was being attacked by Filch with fury and Dumbledore had to follow him now! Albus followed him and asked if he wanted a lemon drop.

Hermione and Harry, invisible, crept into the office, Harry watching for Dumbledore and others while Hermione pressed the hat against her chest, muttered "Invisibility" and the hat stopped being visible. Harry picked Hermione up and used his super speed to get to the dorms before Dumbledore. They had a close call as Dumbledore was nearby and might have heard them whisper the answer to a riddle as they entered. They became visible, and Harry hid Theo under a large bookshelf as the Headmaster entered.

Piper had been given a sleeping potion on purpose and was now laying there as the duo pretended to pant.

"I defended her from Filch, but she passed out!" Harry said, eyes wide. His metamorphagus abilities gave him scratches and marks all over him.

Hermione was (fakely) trying to wake her up, and Piper "woke" and asked them what happened. Now it was a little funny as they described what "happened." Dumbledore gave them lots of house points for saving her and left, secretly disappointed she was not a cat.

"WE DID IT!" Harry whisper-yelled. They all high-fived and Piper dramatically wiped her face and said, "I fought soooo hard!"

"Guys?" Hermione said timidly. Everyone turned to her.  
"We have to get it to Snape now, for him to turn Theo back." Hermione reminded them.

George smiled. "Easy. Hand the hat over." He got the hat and snapped his fingers, disappearing and appearing again without the hat.

Hermione gaped. "Did you just-"

"Apparate?" George said. "Yeah, I did. I'm the Hogwarts Heir. I disconnected the wards for ONE moment, but they're back now. Nobody can appara-"

Harry apparated behind him. "You forgot about me."

George looked at him before sighing. "Well, anyone who isn't Harry can't apparate in Hogwarts." he said, pretending to glare at the cheeky one in question.

"You know you love me," Harry said teasingly, wandlessly and wordlessly casting the levitation spell on George. He barely noticed until the girls started giggling.

"Wha- hey, no fair." he complained.

Just then, Snape kicked open the door. Don't ask questions about it. Snape is super magical and gave lots of powers to George n stuff so ya know.

"Everyone follow me, no questions." he sneered fakely, running towards his office. As they got there, a surge of magical power hit Harry.

Grindelwald stood there, dabbing.


End file.
